Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Average Joe and the Urban Life

Every impulse in my body screams for me to run away. It wants me to find shelter in peaceful existence far from this maddening experience of urban melancholy, loneliness and other hazards of living in this city. Shadows and showers have both dampened and darkened my hopes but I hold on.

There are times in life when the concrete roads under your feet do not count for solid foundation of life. It’s a reckoning to live simple and to shed the skin of the stress filled lifestyle of an average Mumbaikar. Aggravating at times and admirable at others, the two sides of the coin representing the metropolitan life are remarkably clear in this moment. I hear the inner voice long silenced for perks, a rented roof on my head and surviving this matrix. Dwelling on borders of depression and bankruptcy, the small game of running in circles can be exhausting. It might be a price far larger than anyone of us is willing to pay.

Our dreams have become limited to winning this chicken run when the picture has to be larger and all encompassing, a lifetime of peace and happiness, no matter what it constitutes. The traditional view of happiness as a big bank balance, a secure home and a family might seem achievable in this everyday chase for cheese. The question remains. Are we all compromising the limitless potential of human spirit by indulging in this rat race that seems inevitable?

Is there a way of living that would provide redemption from the mandatory urban sins of stepping on toes for survival? Does animalistic desperation to stock for harsher seasons and to find the prey for the day equate to basic potential of a human? Can life be more beautiful if we set ourselves and our minds free right here in this alabaster floored jungle? Does wake up and smell the coffee really mean that our senses should be used to the optimum over the daily struggles?

Will choosing to see beauty in our losses provide a sense of calmness that we seek at the winning post? Will working harder to really see everyone at workplace happy, rather than working in our mundane mechanical and sly ways release us from the weight of success and achievements? Will keeping our heads in laps of our mothers and letting them know that they mean the world to us cover up for the false praise of the gaudy Gucci gown a boss’s wife sported?

I would like to believe that it will. The learnings are few but precious. Rules of the game always applied but the spirit with which you play will determine, whether you survive or live a life no matter where you are

A marriage and a mirror

“Somebody pull the drapes” she thought. Her eyes were shut still in spite of the light hitting her directly through the big french windows she had got fixed earlier this week in her soon-to-be-ready dream home. After some inconsequential stirring in the bed and attempts to sleep with the sheets pulled over her head, Nisha had to give in and open her eyes when her phone rang to high notes of the latest pop track. It didn’t bother her that she was late for work but the first thought to hit her when she answered Rishi’s call was that he shouldn’t tell her about any more delays or problems in her wedding schedule. Her quick attempts to clear her throat and sound husky instead of groggy worked as Rishi was driving. The traffic noises rendered him deaf to her real state as he imagined his pretty bride to be in all her beauty and feminine glory on his way to see the new give aways suggested by the wedding planners.

Rishi spoke of many things not realizing how sticky and uncomfortable Nisha was feeling with the sweat as the air conditioner had given way to all the dust of renovation. To his ignorant bliss and to her discomfort it had refused to start up last night in Mumbai’s unbearable humidity. She heard patiently for a few minutes to his stories about his friends traveling from all over the globe and relatives who have excused themselves inspite of staying next doors. In some time, her restlessness began to show and now she had him on the speakerphone, trying to read the glossy parts of the newspaper.

When Rishi spoke of how beautiful she would look in her wedding outfit amidst the flowers, Nisha couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of him actually seeing her right now with hair messed up, sweat over her brows and legs folded on the dining table cluttered with everything under the sun. Rishi on the other end thought that her laughter was a sign of embarrassment and a confession of love but like most men he was too pre-occupied with his own thoughts to be able to guage hers. Then suddenly Nisha saw something and no longer thought it was rude to hang up on her beau to be.

‘Suneet Karnik’s wedding to be an exclusive affair’ read the headline and it went ahead to describe how the gliteratti of Mumbai would be spilt into two camps on this day and how it would be quite interesting to compare both the weddings, the grandest being hers and and small elite affair which was his. Obviously Rishi hadn’t seen this piece. He didn’t read much and usually it comforted Nisha when she shared with him what she felt about the characters from various novels, pieces of news and some random column she spotted. Today she was plain angry at his ignorance. She lit up a cigarette and began racing her mind on how she could make sure that in next seven days without disturbing the wedding schedule, she could take care of making her special day, extra special by beating her ex-boy friend Suneet in this petty game.

Her wedding cake was decided, clothes were ready, people were arriving, her boy friend was over the moon with her acceptance of this alliance but something was missing. Her thoughts were hazed. She felt her heart sinking and before she knew she was in comfortable embrace of the taste of a chocolate bar. Sinful and hazardous to the figure she wanted to be flaunted at her wedding, this indulgence was the least harm she could do under such dire circumstances. She got up after two bites of this bliss and messaged Rishi that she would call him after a long shower.

Her mind was racing as she scrubbed the behinds of her knee, according to her the most ignored part of human anatomy. She couldn’t help but wonder why Suneet would fix up his wedding on the same day as hers. Was it just to prove a point to her or did he know it too well that she would react to this? Was it a final resort that he had taken to get her to act on her love for him? Was he just trying to see if she still loves him and would she call? He of course knew, how she got angry at such things. He used to do little things to tease her.

She remembered a time when she asked him to buy her roses from a street urchin on a signal and he refused very wryly. She remained silent and burst out finally when he dropped her home and asked why she is so upset. After 5 minutes her doorbell had rung and she could see at least a 100 roses in hands of 4 street urchins sent by him with a card saying that she looked lovely angry, the blush of anger gave her skin a very lovely shade of pink. She remembered how she cursed him the whole day, called him in ecstasy and said I hate you before what she wanted to say now “ I love you Suneet”

She stepped out of shower and decided to call Rishi to get her thoughts off suneet. His voicemail replied and she felt sillier than ever knowing his habit of turning his phone off when he was in any meeting, be it as trivial as selection of give-aways for their wedding. She dialed her boss and excused herself off the day’s work by talking of her marriage. She knew that she could sketch the new spring summer collection sitting at home also only missing the vending machine cappuccino that she was so addicted to.

On her way to the kitchen, she came across the mirror and wondered if she would carry the delicate wedding dress without tripping on it while taking the mandatory seven pheras or circles around the fire of holy matrimony. Then she thought of how Isha, Suneet’s fiancĂ© would look in her wedding dress, she hoped that Isha wouldn’t look better than her but wondered why she was even bothering to go there. While making her coffee, she dug further into the chocolate which had melt by now thanks to the failed air conditioner and the city heat.

She stared at the water boiling for the coffee and felt a bit weird as she felt the urge to put her favourite music on. Nisha didn’t even have to search for the dido cd. All she had to do is hit the play button to hear her croon the pain of her love.

After a while, the water for coffee was boiling in the vessel, music was still on and Nisha had crossed a chasm of knowing that she still loved suneet and Rishi was her alibi. She had weighed the reasons and securities that this marriage would give and the happiness walking out even at this moment would bring.

Hugging a pillow she left a sigh, tore her favourite photo of her and suneet together. She had torn her dreams and compromises both at that instant. She was to give up her dream home, bank balance and a chance to beat her ex boy friend with a grander wedding reception. The Music had died and she was waiting for Rishi to call and to tell him about the cancellation of wedding of a couple that never was…

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