It was Love (part 1)

It was love. It didn’t seem like it on day one but yes it still was. This series is narrative of my most cherished relationship. Hope you like it

My phone rang at 2 am and I stretched my hands to pick it unwillingly, just to avoid the noise. As I answered the phone, the voice on other end said Hi love, Rohit here. It took me a whole minute to realise it was indeed him on the other side. All I could remember now was that we were in our off phone calls phase , which was a regular feature after our break up a few years back and that he was breaking the ice with this call.

He was in India. He sounded excited and I on the other hand was struggling to make sense out of my words and sound sane. I realized Hyderabad was not exactly the city where he would find friends to talk to at this hour and no one from Bangalore - his native town in India would speak about what he wanted to discuss. He was visiting to ask for hand of his lady love in marriage.

Last time we spoke, he was at his scared little school boy routine fearing the outcome of her family knowing he has one false eye, which only a few people in this world knew including me. It was a big deal when talking of marriage as though him being North Indian was not enough to put them off. I remember when he told me the first time about it lying in bed by my side, all i thought was It doesn't change you one bit for me. Why should my love for you change if you have one false eye? Well, I have a false tooth cap over my cavity on left side of my jaw. Don't punish yourself love by thinking it makes you any less than anyone.

But I guess I couldn't tell him now what I thought and I had to make do with some statements about him being more than his physical self and a properly functioning body, its the mind and the heart that matter equally. I geared up for my agony aunt type counselling session inspite of my sleepy state and told him that he need not worry as he was perfectly loveable. I told him that his actions bore testimony of what he had for her in his head and his heart.

There I was talking to my most cherished lover encouraging him to jump to the other side of fence because I knew what family and the girl meant to him. It's not like it didn't hurt me but I was immune by now. Being with him on our roller coaster relationship, I had to be stronger as the moment required it.

He proceeded to mention that it is the first time that he is putting all that he has on stake including his big ego. Traveling from US for a girl was something unthinkable when in his 3 year relationship with me he had visited Mumbai only twice for weekends, when we had been as close as heartbeats through that time. I knew it was difficult for him in the face of his friends boycotting him due to his expression of interest in a girl and his willingness to begin a traditional family after years of alternative lifestyle. They saw it as a criminally convenient route that most Indian gay men take.

None of them had any idea, how Rohit had always been the kind who learns from experience and trying to fulfill all his dreams was the only way to go for him. He never believed in gay relationships and was happy with just one night stands till we struck a chord. Now he was ready for the next change. They weren't. I was not sure if I was but knew it nonetheless that I would break his heart into million pieces if I stood along with the world holding him guilty for his pursuit of happiness.

What we spoke for rest of an hour is blurred in my memory but I remember we weren't ready to keep phones even after an hour of sharing updates on lives, what we dislike in ways we react to people, situations and moreover what we see right in each other's lives. Somehow our conversation wandered from him and me to us. We had not seen each other for many years now and needed healing from all the burns of our break up which hadn't yet been fully cured. Ever since we had ended up fighting on phone, chats and emails every time except this conversation tonight. He took a pause and said I miss you and hearing it made me melt within and jump at the same time and I replied I miss you too honey.

With our near choked voices, we were fumbling to express our desire of seeing each other just once and when we did, I thought that its silly to think of meeting him now and like this. Every time my inner voice said no to his insistence of my traveling to Hyderabad to meet him for the last time, I felt guilty for denying myself an opportunity i had been waiting for. In middle of his offer to pay for one side of airfare and my pleas of not being in any state to bunk work that morning, he suggested that I take the evening flight after work and offered to book tickets online right now.

I knew that now was the moment to end the call, I promised to try and see ticket availability and to inform him over email about the schedule since he was not carrying his US cellphone and leaving a message in his room would not be a great idea in his absence. After saying goodbye and cutting the phone, I asked myself if he deserves this and got a reply that I deserve to see my love after so many years.

I took the evening flight and landed in a city where I had never been. While I was trying to find his hotel that I had never seen on roads I did not know , I realised the reason for this quest. I knew once again that this is love.

(to be continued)